


come closer (here is heaven)

by bratlas



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gangsters, Heavy Angst, M/M, Murder, Organized Crime, Past Jihan, a little bit of sexual tension w jeonghan and josh but nothing happens, past jeongcheol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 23:11:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13134174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bratlas/pseuds/bratlas
Summary: Honestly, Jeonghan can still blame Seungcheol for this. Even as he stares down the barrel of a gun, watches a finger slide to the trigger, he can think, you know, Seungcheol, if you hadn’t cheated, I wouldn’t be a couple heartbeats from dying right now.Blackness.





	come closer (here is heaven)

**Author's Note:**

> MERRY CHRISTMAS MOTHERFUCKERS
> 
>  
> 
> (me, referring to my depression) THEY TRIED TO KILL ME YALL!!!!!!
> 
>  
> 
> in all seriousness i didnt know if i was gonna finish this but i did it for yall (‘: uhhhhh idrk what to say here. i miss jonghyun with all my heart and im still hurting a lot and my love and strength goes out to any of u that are feeling the same way. i wish i could find the right words to say in his memory but i have nothing. i don’t want this note to be sad tho; i want you all to know that you’re loved and appreciated SO much and you deserve to be happy. 
> 
> with that being said enjoy this sad angsty shitpiece??????????

_previously_

  
In his twenty-three years of life, Jeonghan wishes he’d gained some fucking sense. But, unfortunately, he thinks he’ll remain a fucking dumbass right ‘till the bitter end.

  
It’s a Monday. Jeonghan left his lunch at home, meaning he didn’t get to eat on his break. Even now, his stomach rumbles as he crawls along in traffic, and he shifts uncomfortably. He comes to a stop again, sighing impatiently. Jeonghan knows he should’ve taken the other way home, that the thruway would be clogged as it always is at four in the afternoon, but back to having absolutely no fucking sense– Jeonghan suffers from that, bigtime, it seems.

  
Jeonghan picks up his phone and glances down long enough to shoot Seungcheol a text.

 

 **Jeonghan:** _Can u make food im otw home_

_Sent at 4:07 p.m._

 

Jeonghan drops his phone in his lap as traffic creeps forward. At this rate, he’ll be home in maybe an hour. Seungcheol’s phone must be off.

  
Jeonghan remembers being in high school and loving to get stuck in traffic. Back then, he and Joshua would turn up the music and chain smoke a pack of cigarettes, singing along to the radio until their throats felt raw. Back then, they had all the time in the world to waste. Now, Jeonghan just feels too anxious about it, picking at the stitching of his steering wheel and chewing on the inside of his lip. He thinks of Joshua, now that the kid’s crossed his mind. Jeonghan chuckles, because despite only two months separating himself and Joshua, the younger will always be the kid. The baby.

  
Traffic comes to a stop once more. Jeonghan picks his phone back up.

 

 **Jeonghan:** _B) hey lil bro_

  
**Joshua:** _HEY YOU  
shit aorry haha im fucking DRUnk  
also ew we’ve made out Im not ur brother._

  
**Jeonghan:** _fucking mess.  
(-: anyways hows life my bruther_

  
**Joshua:** _STOP  
i hate you.jpg_

  
**Jeonghan:** _okay bye._

 

Jeonghan’s able to pull forward a little more in traffic. He sees an exit ahead, and flicks his blinker on, hoping the other miserable bastards stuck here will at least let him get over.

 

 **Joshua:** _No Wait  
i’m fgood  
wwere celebrating this dude’s birthday. he’s that model dude_

  
**Jeonghan:** _??_

  
**Joshua:** _[image attached]  
hes the one on the right the. one on the left ois my boyfriend_

  
Jeonghan glances up. Someone’s stopped to let him get over, and he waves gratefully as he creeps into the next lane. Then, he glances back at his phone, clicking on the picture Joshua’s sent him. It’s clearly from some other time. He recognizes the boy on the right from some fashion week he'd watched, that androgynous type of pretty with slanted eyes, full pink lips, and a pointed chin. Jeonghan can’t recall his name at the moment, but he balks a little at the thought that these are the types of people Joshua’s partying with now. _Models._

  
The boy on the left has Jeonghan gaping. This is Joshua’s boyfriend? He’s tall, a few inches taller than the other boy in the picture. His bronze skin glows healthily, contrasted by inky black hair, wet-looking with product, falling over his feline eyes. Unlike the other in the photo, this boy is grinning, pearly white teeth and sharp canines on display.

  
Jeonghan makes an impressed noise in the back of his throat, seeing a gap in traffic on his right. He thanks whatever pathetic little deities are on his side today and turns towards the exit. He forgets all about Joshua or his hot friends once he’s on the way home.

  
An agonizing forty-five minutes and one toll booth he almost didn’t have enough change for later, Jeonghan is finally pulling into his parking spot behind their apartment. Seungcheol’s car is here already, but Jeonghan doesn’t mind that too much– seeing as it’s nearing six by now, Seungcheol probably would be home.

  
The apartment is dark when Jeonghan lets himself in. He frowns; it’s more common for Seungcheol to be on the couch, watching TV, or even more likely making dinner. (Jeonghan had been hopping just a little for the latter, and his stomach rumbles again sadly at the sight of the empty kitchen.)

  
“Cheol?” Jeonghan calls into the house, dropping his bag on the counter and walking towards their bedroom. He hears hushed voices for just a moment before swinging the door open.

  
Jeonghan’s eyes first snap to the girl in their bed– in his bed, on the same side that he sleeps on when Seungcheol holds him close at night. The girl in their bed that definitely looks hardly of age, the girl that’s wearing one of Jeonghan’s shirts. Then, Jeonghan looks at Seungcheol, who’s wide-eyed, red-faced. His mouth is open but he’s not saying anything, and Jeonghan can already feel himself bristling, his spikes coming out; so he can avoid getting hurt by causing some damage of his own.

  
“How old is she?” Jeonghan laughs. “Seungcheol, if there’s a fucking kid in my bed right now, I swear to fucking God–“

  
“I’m not a kid,” she interrupts. Jeonghan runs his hands through his hair, shooting her an inquiring glance, attempting to keep the bitter poison that wells up in his chest from leaking into his expression.

  
“I’m nineteen. I turn twenty in three months,” she gets up cautiously. Jeonghan laughs again, a bit hysterically.

  
“Kid, please get the fuck out of my house, for your own fucking good,” Jeonghan points with a shaking hand towards the door. With a look over her shoulder at Seungcheol, the girl hops out of bed, wiggling into a pair of jeans that had been dropped on the floor. She throws a hoodie on over her shirt– Jeonghan’s shirt, and walks towards the bedroom door. Jeonghan steps out of the way to let her by.

  
“I–“ she falters a little when Jeonghan flicks his eyes towards her once more. “I’m sorry..”

  
Jeonghan bites his tongue so hard he tastes blood. He shrugs it off and hopes there’s not any red on his teeth when he answers, “I’m not mad at you, kid.”

  
Jeonghan stares at the floor until he hears the front door shut. For a minute, the silence screams at both of them. Jeonghan feels like he’s going to be sick. God knows what Seungcheol could be thinking.

  
“Who is she?” Jeonghan’s surprised to find his voice so level, so at easy despite feeling like he’s caught in a storm in the middle of the ocean, getting thrown this way and that, hardly keeping a nose above water but still trying not to drown in the rain.

  
Seungcheol sits up slowly; he’s in boxers, at least. “An intern where I work. Her name’s Chan.”

  
Jeonghan laughs again, a dry, humorless sound. He’s not sure when the tears are gonna come. Maybe they won’t, because Jeonghan’s known it would happen all along, but he’s always been exceptionally good at ignoring anything he won’t accept. It’s probably what’ll get him killed someday.

  
That, and having no goddamn sense, of course.

  
“Why?” Jeonghan finds his voice wobbling, and he shakes his head. “Don’t even answer that, I just– I think I’m gonna go visit Joshua. I think you should..go, too, just take your shit, I don’t want it here whenever I come back.”

  
Seungcheol pales, and he gets out of bed. Jeonghan finds himself placing a palm against the elder’s warm, bare chest to stop him from coming closer.

  
“ _Don’t_. I’m serious. My name’s still on the lease, so I’m kicking you out.” Jeonghan moves past Seungcheol to grab a duffel bag out of the closet, throwing anything of his that he can into it.

  
“Are you serious? Where am I gonna go?”

  
“I dunno, maybe you can ask your nineteen year-old girlfriend if there’s a guest room at her parents’–“ Jeonghan laughs and moves onto his dresser. “Don’t look at me like that, Seungcheol. I fucking told you from day one I wouldn't let my feelings get hurt."

  
Jeonghan’s bag is nearing full. With the space that’s left, he goes to the bathroom and stuffs his shampoo, conditioner, toothbrush, and face cleanser into the bag. Zipping the bag up, slinging it over his shoulder, Jeonghan pulls his phone out of his pocket and dials Joshua’s number.

  
“Hello?” Joshua answers. Jeonghan’s almost to the front door.

  
“Hey, can I come visit for a few days? Some stuff just came up.”

  
“Oh, god, I’m so drunk. Y-yeah, you can come visit. I’m sorry I won’t be very good moral support when you get he–“ Joshua hiccups on the other end, and Jeonghan laughs dryly. “–here. What happened?”

  
“I’ll tell you when I’m there. Have shots ready.” Jeonghan sighs, grabbing his work bag from the counter where he left it. He doesn't spare a glance behind him as he leaves.

 

 

 

 

It's two in the morning when Jeonghan finally arrives at Joshua's place. It's some fancy penthouse apartment in the busiest, brightest. part of the city, and Jeonghan notes distantly that Joshua's definitely not the one paying for this apartment.

  
Jeonghan shrugs off trepidation and the just-beginning drag of exhaustion. He doesn't plan to sleep any time soon, anyways. Jeonghan laughs a little at himself– he's anticipating telling Joshua everything, gossiping like teens all over again. It's been too long since they've seen each other; they unknowingly said _see you later_ to each other for the last time a little over four years previously. Jeonghan can't exactly blame Joshua for running away from their hometown, though. Besides, Joshua's clearly thriving, living the city life. Jeonghan's a little envious, if he's being honest.

  
Shaking his loose hair out of his face, Jeonghan hits the buzzer for Joshua's apartment.

  
_"Hi!"_ Joshua's bubbly laughter crackles through the speaker, and Jeonghan finds himself grinning stupidly.

  
_"We're coming down to get you! Just wait in the lobby."_

  
"Sweet," Jeonghan answers. The speaker goes silent, and he enters the luxurious apartment building slowly. The lobby's ceiling is vast, a massive chandelier illuminating the place. Jeonghan peers around, mouth ajar, in awe.

  
"Can I help you?"

  
Jeonghan jumps a little; the girl behind the front desk definitely hadn't been there before. Her nametag reads 'Kyla' and the ends of her ponytail are dyed a navy blue. She pops her gum at Jeonghan.

  
"I, um– a friend of mine lives here, I'm crashing with him." Jeonghan explains tentatively. Kyla raises a skeptical eyebrow. The elevator dings.

  
Jeonghan drops his bag, heart beating a little faster when the gray doors slide open and Joshua comes running out with remarkable coordination for someone so drunk. Jeonghan has to laugh when he catches the other in his arms, embracing Joshua tightly– and, of course, this is when the tears come.

  
It's all at once, Jeonghan's breath catching in his throat and his eyes welling over with tears, and he fists his hands in Joshua's shirt, trying his hardest to keep his composure and smile for the younger. The expression on Joshua's face tells Jeonghan he isn't buying it one bit and they both know it, but Jeonghan simply ignores it and carries on.

  
"Hey, you," he laughs, taking a half-step back to look Joshua up and down. The younger dons fishnets under torn jeans and a cropped red tee with holes in the collar. Joshua's practically glowing, cheeks pink and eyes bright from the alcohol.

  
"You look good," Jeonghan presses an affectionate kiss to Joshua's cheek. Joshua giggles and throws his arms around Jeonghan's neck all over again. "I've missed you so _much_ ," he moans into Jeonghan's chest, voice slightly muffled.

  
"Yeah, me too," Jeonghan laughs. He looks up, noticing for the first time the people that accompanied Joshua down to the lobby. Jeonghan recognizes the boy Joshua identified as his boyfriend– he's equally, if not more, magnificently handsome in person. Towering over them all right beside him is a girl with long, sheet-straight black hair curtaining a sculpted face. Her eyes are cold when they meet Jeonghan's, and he gulps before looking back at Joshua instead.

  
"Well, let's head back up. Jeonghan, that's Mingyu, he's a sweetheart," Joshua goes over to lean on Mingyu, who gives a shy smile. The expression is out of place, still endearing on his pretty face.

  
"Nice to meet you," when Mingyu greets Jeonghan, he speaks with a heavy accent. It reminds Jeonghan of home, and he automatically likes Mingyu more. Grinning, he reaches out to shake Mingyu's hand. Jeonghan's surprised to find himself grinning even wider at the little wave of pain that washes through his own hand when Mingyu squeezes it hard enough to crack Jeonghan's knuckles.

  
Jeonghan squeezes back, meeting Mingyu's feline eyes. Tonight, they're smudged in black, eyebrows filled in heavy and dark. He's truly exquisite. Jeonghan's not surprised. Joshua's always had a knack for the vipers– hypnotizing in their looks, wealth, pulling you in close and sinking their fangs in before you even know it. First impressions aside, Jeonghan wonders if Mingyu's just like the rest.

  
"Pleasure is mine," Jeonghan answers silkily, dropping Mingyu's hand. Addressing the girl that had joined them, he offers a charming grin. Her gaze has thawed a little, but she doesn't smile back.

  
"Jeon Wonwoo," she finally introduces herself. Her deep baritone resonates in the vast lobby. Jeonghan holds out a hand, but it's left hanging. Wonwoo's hands are shoved into the pockets of her stained denim jacket, and she doesn't make any move to remove them. Jeonghan's arm falls back to his side.

  
"Nice to meet you as well," Jeonghan tips his head to the side slightly. He knows Joshua's too oblivious to notice the underlying bite to his words, the way his smile dares Wonwoo to piss him off tonight. Wonwoo, however, catches on right away, expression stormy when the four enter the elevator.

  
"So what made you come up out of–" Joshua hiccups, gaze steady and bright on Jeonghan. "–nowhere?"

  
Jeonghan laughs. Perhaps a little hysterically, because Joshua's eyes widen slightly, and Mingyu glances up from his phone screen in concern, free arm slung over Joshua's shoulders.

  
"I came home and Seungcheol was in our bed with a nineteen year-old girl. So, uh. Yeah. I told him I wanted him gone by the time I came back." Jeonghan shrugs. Joshua's jaw drops, and now Mingyu's listening as well, a sympathetic expression on his face. Wonwoo snorts in the corner, a sneer growing on her face.

  
" _Wonwoo_ ," Joshua hisses, frowning. Jeonghan shakes his head, grinning stupidly. "Nah, it is funny," he assents, chuckling a little.

  
"It's not, though," Joshua contests gently, eyes searching Jeonghan's. Joshua's smarter than Jeonghan really gives him credit for; the kid's not buying Jeonghan's act one bit, no matter how solidly he's got everyone else convinced.

  
"Whatever. Not like we were getting married or anything," Jeonghan shrugs, watching the meter displaying the floor numbers climb higher and higher. Laughing, Joshua crosses his arms.

  
"You're such a _liar_ , Yoon Jeonghan." He jabs, and that draws a real laugh out of Jeonghan.

  
"I can see right through your bullshit," Joshua accuses, shaking his head. They're nearing the top floor. The penthouse apartment.

  
"You see what I want you to, Josh," Jeonghan adjusts his bags on his shoulders, sighing as the elevator stops and the doors slide open.

 

 

 

 

It's nearly noon the next day. Jeonghan's in a bed that's far too comfortable to be his own, and there's a warm weight on his chest. His head pounds, his mouth dry and sour-tasting. Jeonghan groans lowly in the back of his throat, opening his eyes slowly.

  
The first thing Jeonghan notices is the boy fast asleep in bed with him, his head resting against Jeonghan's chest. The second thing he notices is that they’re both naked, and he can't help but laugh.

  
"Oh, man..." Jeonghan says aloud. It rouses the boy, who lifts his head to squint sleepily at him with makeup-smudged eyes.

  
"Oh, nice," he yawns. "You're still a ten."

  
That makes Jeonghan laugh even harder, and he runs his hands over his face slowly. "Jesus."

  
"My name's actually Seungkwan," Seungkwan yawns again, sitting up. The blanket falls away, revealing his small frame, tummy soft and skin a lovely golden color.

  
"Good to know," Jeonghan sits up like Seungkwan, squeezing his eyes shut at the stab of pain in his temples.

  
"God, I can't drink like I used to," grumbles Jeonghan. Seungkwan laughs.

  
"You can't be that old, angelface. What's your name, again?"

  
"Jeonghan. I liked angelface, though." Jeonghan smirks. "And, I'm twenty-three."

  
"God, that's nothing," Seungkwan scoffs. He peers around the room, and then centers his gaze back on Jeonghan, an unreadable smile touching his heart-shaped lips.

  
"How about we go get breakfast or something?" Seungkwan suggests.

  
"Inviting your one night stand on a breakfast date?" Jeonghan counters playfully. Then, on second thought, he adds, "To clarify, I'm totally taking you up on that offer. I feel like I'm gonna die."

  
Seungkwan grins. "Get dressed then, angelface. I know a place."

  
When Jeonghan and Seungkwan leave the room, dressed and somewhat ready to go, Jeonghan can't help but laugh at the state of disarray the entire place is in.

  
"So you're Joshua's ex?" Seungkwan asks as he's picking through the trash and sleeping bodies littering the floor.

  
"Ex? Yeah. We're also best friends, you know," Jeonghan mumbles distractedly; he's busy checking his phone, making sure he didn't send any embarrassing messages to anyone. Other than a few "fuck you's" to Seungcheol, Jeonghan seems to avoided making an ass of himself.

  
"Forgive me, it's just–" Seungkwan slips his shoes on, "–Josh talks about you like he still wants you to rearrange his guts."

  
"Course he does," Jeonghan snorts.

  
"Wait for me," a soft voice stops them from stepping into the elevator. Jeonghan recognizes him as the boy whose birthday they'd been celebrating the night before. Except now, all that dark broodiness that only models seem to get perfect has gone out of his face and he just looks like a wreck. Jeonghan can't imagine he looks much better himself. Jeonghan knows Seungkwan doesn't.

  
"Coming to breakfast with us?" Seungkwan inquires as all three of them enter the elevator.

  
"Yep. Who are you?" lidded eyes on Jeonghan, the third boy tilts his head to the side slightly.

  
"Yoon Jeonghan," Jeonghan greets, pushing his hair off of his face and searching his wrists for hair ties. He has none, so he settles for finger-combing through his hair, hoping it's not too much of a mess.

  
"Xu Minghao," Minghao shoots Jeonghan a tight smile, then elbows Seungkwan, murmuring, "Joshua really knows how to pick 'em, doesn't he?"

  
"Don't be rude. He's also a person, not just Josh's ex," Seungkwan rolls his eyes.

  
"You're just saying that 'cause he fucked you," Minghao laughs aloud. Jeonghan catches Seungkwan's eye and grins at the other's reddening cheeks. Seungkwan crosses his arms, huffing.

  
"So what? At least I got laid," he grumbles. Minghao shrugs. "You've got me there.”

 

 

 

 

As it turns out, the perfect place for breakfast is a tiny restaurant that doesn't even have a front wall, the smell of pancakes and coffee wafting towards them from inside.

  
"Morning!" Seungkwan greets cheerfully. Behind the counter, a boy with a bright grin and a pierced nose grins at them. His tight black t-shirt is covered in flour, bronze skin dusted with the stuff as well.

  
"This is Seokmin," Seungkwan tells Jeonghan. "Seok, this is Jeonghan, he needs hangover food. Actually, we all do."

  
"Gotcha," Seokmin nods his head. "Soonyoung!" he raises his voice just a little, and there's a thud from behind the door labeled 'office'. Then, the door opens, and a young man with heavily lined eyes and bleached blond hair peers out, squinting irritably at Seokmin. Multiple piercings glint on both of his ears.

  
"What?" Soonyoung snaps. Seokmin seems unfazed, answering, "Breakfast for these three."

  
Soonyoung's gaze shifts, softens considerably. Jeonghan's not sure why, but Soonyoung's grin is just a little unsettling, no matter how friendly it appears.

  
"Right. How've you been, Kwan?" Soonyoung asks, moving in tandem with Seokmin to start cooking.

  
"Alright. Heard from Vernon the other day." Seungkwan answers, leaning into Jeonghan just a little. Soonyoung stops short for just a moment. "Anything worth mentioning?"

  
"Wants my guts as suspenders, the usual." Seungkwan folds his arms. Soonyoung drops the container of flour in his hands. Jeonghan blinks, trying to figure out if it’s because Seungkwan wasn’t joking, or if the blond is just clumsy. Before he can think on it any longer Seokmin reaches to turn on a radio perched on a shelf overhead. It crackles for a second, then a woman's voice fades in.

  
"...shootout between East 123rd and East 124th streets. Two civilians injured, one more dead."

  
"Fucking– Seok, turn that off, no one wants to hear that first thing in the morning," Soonyoung shakes his head. Seokmin simply changes the channel. Shitty eighties music crackles from the radio instead.

  
Jeonghan, Seungkwan, and Minghao take a seat at the only table in the place. Seokmin brings them plates of pancakes, eggs and greasy bacon.

  
"Enjoy. It's on the house," he winks at them. Jeonghan swears he sees the outline of a gun in the waistband of Seokmin's pants, beneath his shirt, when the other walks back behind the counter. Jeonghan rationalizes it to himself– it's the city, this place would be awfully easy to rob. They need to defend themselves.

  
Jeonghan's cell phone rings when he's on his third cup of coffee, plate long since cleared. Seeing Seungcheol's name, he sighs.

  
"Who's that?" Seungkwan asks curiously. He's clearly trying to calculate whether or not Seungcheol is important to Jeonghan, whether or not Jeonghan's a cheater, some adulterous asshole who’ll fuck him over. Sounds awfully familiar.

  
"My cheating ex. Wanna answer it?" Jeonghan laughs. Grinning, Seungkwan takes the phone, answering it. Then, he moans loudly, convincingly, making Jeonghan's cheeks to redden and a surprised laugh to escape his mouth. He can hear Seungcheol's, "What the f–" before Seungkwan's doing it again, this time moaning out Jeonghan's name.

  
The call drops. Seungkwan cackles, "God, weak! I was hardly getting started."

  
"You're wicked," Minghao shakes his head, chuckling into his coffee. Seungkwan shrugs, handing Jeonghan his phone back.

  
"Vernon's coming here," Soonyoung announces suddenly. Seungkwan's expression shifts, and he stands abruptly.

  
"Well, thanks for the breakfast! We'll see you guys later?" Seungkwan plasters on a smile. Soonyoung returns it, nodding slowly.

  
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize there's something sketchy going on. But Jeonghan, who's always been particularly talented at picking apart the nuances in people's faces, pinpointing whatever unsettles them, is sure by now that it's more than just some under-the-table trade, more than little debts owed. He sees the fear of death in Soonyoung's eyes, despite the stony expression on his attractive face.

  
Jeonghan's not going to ask. He's not going to tell, either.

 

 

 

 

Back at Joshua's, the place is mostly empty by now. Mingyu's halfheartedly picking up trash and tossing it into bags. With a sympathetic sigh, Seungkwan joins him, and after exchanging similarly reluctant expressions, so do Jeonghan and Minghao.

  
"Where's that asshole?" Jeonghan asks once most of the apartment is neatened up. Mingyu blinks at him, and Jeonghan laughs, correcting himself. "Joshua. Where's Joshua."

  
"Sleeping, probably," Mingyu answers, glancing down the hall towards their room. Jeonghan shrugs, starting towards the bedroom, but Mingyu stops him.

  
"I'll go," he offers a nearly apologetic smile, holding his hands out before turning and walking the rest of the way to the room. It takes Jeonghan a second to remember– Mingyu doesn't like him, doesn't trust him around Joshua and is only playing nice because he knows Joshua wants everyone to be civil.

  
_Good. Mingyu_ shouldn't _trust me_ , Jeonghan thinks with a satisfied smirk.

  
"Wow, what was that?" Seungkwan asks, watching Mingyu go. He rests his chin on Jeonghan's shoulder.

  
"What do you think? I'm the ex Joshua's still not over, pretty boy hates my guts." Jeonghan grins down at Seungkwan, quirking an eyebrow.

  
"It's a shame, he's nice to look at and everything," Jeonghan hums. Seungkwan laughs in his ear.

  
"Then what am I?"

  
"What do you want to be?" Jeonghan turns around so he's facing Seungkwan. "I'm gonna be honest with you, kid, I slept with you as a rebound. I like you and all, but–"

  
"Don't worry about me," Seungkwan laughs. "Thanks for your honesty, though. For now, we'll call it buddies that bang sometimes, how about that?"

  
Seungkwan sticks out one hand. Snickering, Jeonghan shakes it.

  
"I _do_ like you, though," he repeats, nudging Seungkwan.

  
"I like you too, as long as you never call me 'kid' again," Seungkwan winks.

  
"Deal," Jeonghan half-smiles. Mingyu comes from the bedroom with Joshua in his arms, and Jeonghan laughs aloud.

  
"Morning, your Royal Highness," he teases Joshua as they pass by. Joshua glares sleepily.

  
"I feel like shit," he grumbles. Jeonghan follows them to the kitchen, vaguely aware of Seungkwan behind him.

  
"That's what happens when you decide to get drunk at five in the afternoon and then get even drunker all night. How aren’t you dead?" Jeonghan deadpans. Mingyu sits Joshua on the counter, and the other pouts at Jeonghan.

  
"You're the worst friend ever, feel bad for me."

  
"Absolutely not. This one's on you, brother."

  
"Jeonghan, I swear to god if you call me brother again–"

  
Jeonghan throws his head back, cackling. "Why? It's funny."

  
"I hate it. I also hate you," Joshua grumbles. Mingyu hands him three ibuprofen and a glass of water, which he downs gratefully.

  
"I have to go take care of some work today," Mingyu tells Joshua, stumbling just a little over his words. Smiling sweetly, Joshua caresses the other's cheek.

  
"Okay. When d'you think you'll be back?"

  
"It shouldn't take too long," Mingyu presses a kiss to Joshua's cheek, then tips the other's face towards him for a real kiss.

  
"Alright," Joshua pouts playfully, pinching Mingyu's ass as the taller walks past to go get ready for the day. Mingyu yelps, glaring over his shoulder. Once he's gone, Jeonghan looks at Joshua, a smirk creeping onto his face unintentionally.

  
"You can tell him to lighten up. He thinks I'm gonna homewreck you guys." Jeonghan raises an eyebrow. Joshua mimics the expression, smile knowing. "Are you?"

  
Jeonghan chuckles wickedly. "Nope. You guys are cute. I could if I wanted to, though, don't let pretty boy forget it."

  
Joshua shakes his head just a little, smile still curving his rosy pink lips upwards. "You're terrible."

  
"Am I? Or are you for not disagreeing, that I could totally homewreck you and your boyfriend?" Jeonghan points out. Joshua's cheeks redden and his smile falters.

  
"Morning, pussies," Wonwoo shuffles into the kitchen. Her hair's gathered away from her face in a bun, and Jeonghan's mouth falls open into a small 'O'. There's a scar wrapping Wonwoo's delicate throat, as if someone slit it from ear to ear.

  
"Morning," Seungkwan greets, leaning against the kitchen's granite-topped island. Wonwoo does something Jeonghan didn't expect; she leans down to press a kiss to Minghao's temple, although the boy hasn't said anything since they got back. It's a tender gesture, and Minghao smiles a little, glancing up at Wonwoo. They look at each other for a moment, conversation silent and brief. Then, Wonwoo opens up the fridge and takes out a bottle of water.

  
"Morning to you too, Josh," Wonwoo mutters, leaning against the wall beside Minghao. Joshua waves, "Morning."

 

 

 

 

"I'm going to ask you one more time." Vernon's voice is bored, tired of wasting his time. Soonyoung gasps, spluttering before his head is thrust back underneath the water filling the sink. Vernon's hand is tight in his hair, and Soonyoung's scalp tingles painfully.

  
"Where's Seungkwan?" Vernon pulls Soonyoung out of the water. Soonyoung spits some out, bracing his hands against the edges of the sink.

  
"If he wanted you to know, he'd have told you," Soonyoung pants. "Didn't you just see him? Why are you looking for him now?"

  
"I saw him when he told me he wanted out," snarls Vernon. "You thought that motherfucker was going to get away with it?"

  
"He has so far," Soonyoung laughs. He regrets it a moment later when Vernon slams his face into the sink's edge, definitely breaking Soonyoung's nose. Blood gushes down Soonyoung's face, and he groans.

  
"Fuck, I can't help you. I don't know where he is. Fucking kill me if you want."

  
Vernon's hand leaves Soonyoung's hair, and he collapses onto the floor. There's the click of a gun being cocked. Soonyoung glares up at Vernon as the younger presses the muzzle of his pistol to Soonyoung's forehead. Vernon stares contemplatively for a moment before seemingly changing his mind; he lowers the gun. A second later, he shoots Soonyoung through one knee.

  
"Next time, it's your boyfriend, and I'll make you watch while he screams before I kill you both. Clear?" Vernon steps over Soonyoung.

  
"Fuck you," Soonyoung snarls through his teeth, clutching his bleeding leg. Vernon laughs, and then– he's gone.

  
By the time Seokmin returns to find Soonyoung collapsed behind the counter, sink still running and overflowing, soaking Soonyoung’s clothes– Soonyoung’s pale, lips turning blue. Maybe it’s some sick sort of closure, how Soonyoung smiles when he sees Seokmin, despite his shivering.

  
“Think I’m ‘bout drained dry, Lee,” Soonyoung laughs, peering at the blood and water pooling around him. “Had a good run and all.”

  
“Shut up, you’re not gonna die,” Seokmin stammers, squeezing one of Soonyoung’s cold hands, dialing Wonwoo’s number with his free hand.

 

 

 

 

“We have to catch up,” Joshua sits down beside Jeonghan on the couch. It’s late in the afternoon, and the place is empty; after getting Jeonghan’s number earlier, Seungkwan had left with Minghao and a panicky Wonwoo, grinning over his shoulder.

  
“Well, where do we start?” Jeonghan stretches out, resting his legs in Joshua’s lap. Pouting thoughtfully, Joshua rests warm palms on one of Jeonghan’s shins.

  
“Dunno. How’d you end up here?” Jeonghan asks, absentmindedly running his fingers through his hair. Joshua hums.

  
“Well, when I ran away I just kinda hitchhiked as far away as I could go– don’t look at me like that, I know how dangerous it was, but I didn’t die, so it’s fine. Um, I got to the city and– well, I got really lucky. I met Gyu right away, pretty much. I’d been dancing in clubs for a few months, he ended up in one of the nicer ones I worked at and..yeah,” Joshua shrugs, gestures around vaguely. Jeonghan scoffs in astonishment.

  
“Your life is so fucking weird,” he mutters. “How did _I_ end up being the boring adult?”

  
“Because you weren’t kept from having fun in your teen years. You got all that angst out and now you’re a normal adult.”

  
“Normal?” Jeonghan snorts. “You really _don’t_ know me, Hong.”

  
“Shut up,” Joshua shoves Jeonghan playfully. Jeonghan retaliates by knocking Joshua’s knee gently with his heel, biting back a grin.

  
“Make me.” Jeonghan quirks an eyebrow. Joshua looks into his eyes and Jeonghan knows he must sense....whatever it is between them, now. The suggestion that’s only there in Jeonghan’s voice if Joshua decides he wants it to be. Maybe Jeonghan _is_ a homewrecker. Maybe he’s just selfish and will always want Joshua for himself, keep the younger close to his heart.

  
Jeonghan looks away. It’s not fair of him to do that to Joshua. To Mingyu, either. Maybe even Seungkwan. Whatever he and Joshua had, it ended for a reason.

  
“Um, now I’m–“ Joshua sounds as lost as Jeonghan feels. “–I’m looking for a new job. I hate just living here doing nothing.”

  
“You’re telling me you...hate being a sugar baby?” Jeonghan teases, getting up and walking towards the kitchen. “Do we have any alcohol left?”

  
“I dunno, look for it. And shut up. I’m not a sugar baby.”

  
“Uh-huh. Sure. All you have is boxed wine. Trashy.” Jeonghan comments, searching the refrigerator for anything else to drink.

  
“Aren’t you the one who stole your mom’s boxed wine and drank it straight from the box when we forgot cups?”

  
Jeonghan laughs, surprised Joshua even remembers one out of all the times he’d steal his parents’ alcohol. “You drank it too, bud. Besides, we were teenagers. This is different. We gotta have some dignity now.”

  
“Shut up, bring me some. Please.”

  
Returning with two glasses of too sweet, rosy-tinted wine, Jeonghan collapses comfortably onto the couch and hands Joshua one glass. “Turn a movie on or something, it’s too quiet in here.”

  
Maybe that’s not the case. Jeonghan thinks it’s just what isn’t being said that’s far too loud, filling the room uncomfortably.

  
Thankfully, Joshua obliges, turning on the massive flatscreen TV. Jeonghan finds it a little easier to ignore his aching chest every time he looks at Joshua once some mindless reality TV is blaring and it’s easy to change the subject.

 

 

 

 

Vernon snarls as he’s handed a photo. The man Seungkwan had been with; handsome in a delicate way, hair long and framing his face with silky black strands.

  
“I want him dead by the end of the week. Are we clear?”

  
“We still need to talk numbers, Chwe.”

  
Vernon clenches his jaw and takes out his checkbook, scribbling out a number. The ink has hardly dried when the man standing opposite him orders, “Add three more zeroes and we have a deal.”

  
Vernon nods. He meets the man in a painful handshake.

 

 

 

 

“So how’ve you been?”

  
Seungkwan’s wearing clothes that are probably worth more than what Jeonghan makes a year. Minghao’s dressed similarly, and he feels horribly inferior in his black jeans and an old hoodie that he hates to admit belonged to Seungcheol at some point.

  
Jeonghan’s been in the city for two days now, spending time with Joshua or exploring the city on his own. He was almost sure Seungkwan had forgotten completely about him until the younger sent Jeonghan a text out of nowhere, inviting Jeonghan to lunch in Manhattan. So, here Jeonghan is, drinking mimosas in some overpriced restaurant.

  
“Peachy. Yourself?” Jeonghan smiles coyly. Seungkwan narrows his eyes as if gauging just how truthful Jeonghan’s being, but he doesn’t mention it.

  
“Alright. Minghao’s flying out to Manila for some event tomorrow, I’m gonna miss him,” Seungkwan pouts, cradling Minghao’s pointed face in one hand.

  
“It’s a gala,” Minghao adds distractedly, eyes on his phone screen. “My manager’s flipping shit on me for eating this close to the show.”

  
“Whatever,” Seungkwan rolls his eyes. Minghao shrugs, putting his phone away and sipping his drink.

  
“Anything interesting happened lately?” Seungkwan looks at Jeonghan curiously.

  
“Such as?”

  
“You and Joshua. There’s really weird energy there. Like no one can tell if you guys want to fuck each other or kill each other.”

  
“Honestly, sometimes I can’t tell either. But, nothing’s happened. He’s got a boyfriend,” Jeonghan quirks an eyebrow. Seungkwan smirks. “Right. Anyways, do you want to go out tonight?”

  
Jeonghan’s caught off guard by the sudden invitation, but all the same, he nods his head. Seungkwan grins. “In the meantime, want to go to mine?”

 

 

 

 

As it turns out, Seungkwan is roommates with Wonwoo. She breezes past them just as Seungkwan’s opening the front door, phone held between her ear and shoulder. She stuffs something dark and metallic into her waistband and quickly tugs her shirt over it, shrugs on a long black coat that billows out behind her as she hurries towards the elevator.

  
“Bye!” Seungkwan calls. Wonwoo hardly remembers to wave before she disappears into the elevator.

  
“I guess we have the place to ourselves. I mean, I was planning to fuck you either way, but this is nice,” Seungkwan grins, pulls Jeonghan into the apartment and kisses him. Jeonghan’s arms encircle Seungkwan’s waist eagerly, and the other inhales shakily.

  
“Wait,” Seungkwan breathes out. Jeonghan pauses, pulls back a little to look at the other. Seungkwan offers a wobbly smile, and Jeonghan leans in, a fond smile creeping onto his face. “Nervous?”

  
“This is a lot more daunting now that I’m sober,” Seungkwan breathes out, nose brushing Jeonghan’s. “Go to my room, it’s the one on the right. I’ll be there in a second.”

  
Jeonghan hums, pressing a kiss to the corner of Seungkwan’s mouth and moving lazily onward to Seungkwan’s bedroom. He hears the other lock the front door, then water running in the kitchen. Jeonghan smiles a little, kicking off his shoes and pulling his hoodie over his head. He’s left in some old Def Leppard tee he vaguely recalls stealing from one of his stepfathers underneath.

  
Jeonghan’s lounging on Seungkwan’s bed, looking at his phone, when the other joins him after just a couple minutes.

  
“Sorry about that, I grew a pair again.” Seungkwan settles in Jeonghan’s lap. Jeonghan sets his phone aside, sits up on his elbows. “You don’t have to, you know.”

  
“Shut up, I know I don’t. I want to. I just clammed up. You’re really hot and all I have going for me is my ass.”

  
Jeonghan chuckles, adjusting them both a little so he’s sitting up fully, chest touching Seungkwan’s. “Are you kidding? You’re breathtaking.”

  
“Says you. You look like a fucking Greek sculpture.” Seungkwan contests bitterly. Jeonghan hums, attaches his mouth to the column of Seungkwan’s throat.

  
“I’m gonna give you some ass-ugly hickeys if you keep talking bad about yourself,” Jeonghan threatens playfully. Seungkwan goes rigid for just a moment, dainty hands pressing firmly against Jeonghan’s chest.

  
“Please don’t,” he laughs, shifting a little in Jeonghan’s lap. Jeonghan hums, sliding his hands from Seungkwan’s waist to cradle his ass. He pulls Seungkwan a little closer.

  
“Why don’t you think you’re fucking gorgeous?” Jeonghan inquires, mouthing along the sharp line of Seungkwan’s jaw.

  
“Because I’m not. I look like a kid, have you seen my cheeks?”

  
“Your cheeks are lovely,” Jeonghan kisses Seungkwan. He feels Seungkwan’s hands on his shoulders now, squeezing gently.

  
“You’re fucking hot, Seungkwan,” Jeonghan smirks, gently holds Seungkwan’s jaw and makes the younger look at him. “Yeah?”

  
Seungkwan squirms in Jeonghan’s lap, cheeks bright red. “Come on, you’re wasting my time.”

  
“You seem to be enjoying it. You’re so hot like this, you’re hot all the time, don’t you agree?” Jeonghan purrs. The hand that isn’t cradling Seungkwan’s face squeezes his ass, smacking it gently. Seungkwan’s eyes roll back, flutter shut as he chews on his lower lip. He gives a tiny, affirming nod, and Jeonghan accepts it, because he’s just as impatient as Seungkwan is.

  
Seungkwan is exquisitely soft, pliant in Jeonghan’s hold; his thighs are thick, supple, tummy soft and plump. Seungkwan’s shy beneath Jeonghan at first, arms folded over his body protectively even as Jeonghan’s settling between his legs, prepping the younger with experienced fingers, sliding into Seungkwan’s tight warmth.

  
Jeonghan presses kisses along Seungkwan’s jaw, murmuring, “Don’t be shy,” as he gently takes Seungkwan’s wrists and pins them above his head. Seungkwan’s cheeks are red, pupils blown wide. He looks defiled, fluffy chestnut hair curled and damp at the roots with sweat.

  
“God, Jeonghan,” Seungkwan moans out, voice raw. Jeonghan grins at the way the younger trembles and whines when he slows down, gives noisy keens of approval when Jeonghan speeds up. Seungkwan really is breathtaking, eyes lidded, pink lips swollen from all the kissing and biting, skin flushed and shining with sweat.

  
Jeonghan nips playfully at Seungkwan’s neck when the other tips his head back, chuckles when Seungkwan gives a little huff of disapproval.

  
“No marks,” he murmurs, grabbing at Jeonghan’s hair and pulling him in for a breathless kiss. Jeonghan moans louder than he intended to, squeezes Seungkwan’s fleshy hip harder.

  
Seungkwan laughs a little, loosens his grip for a second. “You like having your hair pulled? Filthy fucker.”

  
“Hey, save the kinkshaming for when I’m not fucking you,” Jeonghan fucks Seungkwan a little harder, grins at how Seungkwan’s eyes roll back and he grabs at Jeonghan’s shoulders.

  
“Yeah, yeah, okay, just don’t stop– oh _fuck yes, right there_ ,” Seungkwan whimpers, hooking one arm around Jeonghan’s neck and pulling him in for a messy, clumsy kiss. They move together, both chasing release without much care for taking their time or making it last.

 

 

 

 

It’s nearing evening. After spending most of the afternoon in bed, Jeonghan and Seungkwan have finally gotten up, begun to get ready to go out as Seungkwan had planned earlier.

  
“Minghao has some clothes here you can borrow,” Seungkwan tells Jeonghan as he’s changing into tight black pants, a dark red satin shirt that’s only half-buttoned, the short sleeves rolled back a few times. With his hair carefully tousled, eyes smudged in dark kohl, Seungkwan’s an absolute dream, smiling at Jeonghan the way he is.

  
“You mean dirty jeans from Old Navy and my ex’s hoodie _aren’t_ acceptable club wear? Also, I’m stealing a pair of your boxers.”

  
“That’s fine,” Seungkwan laughs, folding his arms as Jeonghan steps into aforementioned boxers. “And, unfortunately, no, you need to wear something nicer to this club.”

  
“Damn,” Jeonghan shakes his hair out of his face. Seungkwan points towards the hall, “Just check the spare room, his shit’s all over the place.”

  
Twenty minutes later, Jeonghan’s wearing torn red pants and a large white and black sweater with holes in the knit fabric. Seungkwan’s mouth falls open into a perfect little ‘O’ when Jeonghan steps into the living room where the younger lounges, attempting to gather his hair back into a bun.

  
“Leave it down,” Seungkwan approaches Jeonghan, grinning. “You look hot.”

  
“When my hair is down or just in general?” Jeonghan drops his hair, shakes it out a little.

  
“Both,” Seungkwan leans in to kiss Jeonghan, his hands resting on the elder’s slim waist. Jeonghan wraps lazy arms around Seungkwan’s shoulders, hums a little into the other’s mouth.

  
“When are we going?”

  
“I’m waiting on Wonwoo to text me, there was a change of plans so she and Minghao are gonna meet us there,” Seungkwan answers, gently running his fingers through Jeonghan’s hair. As if remembering something, he tugs on it gently, smirks at Jeonghan.

  
“That’s just rude. I wouldn’t kinkshame you. And for the record, hair-pulling isn’t even that weird,” Jeonghan argues, leaning in to kiss Seungkwan all the same. Seungkwan laughs through his nose, pulls Jeonghan even closer.

  
“For the record, I’m just teasing. I think it’s cute that you like having your hair pulled,” Seungkwan murmurs, playing with Jeonghan’s hair again. Jeonghan hums and kisses Seungkwan some more.

 

 

 

 

They’re in the VIP section of a club in the heart of the city. It’s quieter in here, the dark room hazy. Jeonghan and Seungkwan had followed Wonwoo and Minghao inside, met by Joshua and Mingyu. The six are lounging, speaking amongst themselves, when Seokmin and a battered-looking Soonyoung join them. The latter is limping, his face bruised, but he smiles all the same.

  
“The hell happened to _you_?” Jeonghan widens his eyes. Soonyoung waves one hand brusquely, shrugs the question off. He takes a seat, waves down a server for a drink. A little bewildered, Jeonghan looks back at Seungkwan instead. The younger’s deep in a conversation with Minghao, a smile touching his face. When Jeonghan’s arm slides around Seungkwan’s shoulders, he glances back at the elder, smiling.

  
“Hi. Wanna go dance?” Seungkwan beams at Jeonghan, takes another sip of his drink. Jeonghan nods, grabs Seungkwan’s hand as they rise to their feet and make their way to the dance floor. Seungkwan presses close, tantalizingly so.

  
The music pulses. Jeonghan’s heartbeat matches its swift pace. Seungkwan lazily hooks his arms around Jeonghan’s neck, leans in close to brush their lips together teasingly. Jeonghan grabs Seungkwan’s waist and pulls their bodies flush against one another, smirking.

  
“You play too much,” he murmurs in Seungkwan’s ear, grins at how the younger shudders. Seungkwan gives a pleased hum, kisses Jeonghan chastely.

  
But, oddly enough, Seungkwan pulls back, eyes widening in a strange expression on his pretty face. It takes Jeonghan a second to register the foreign sourness turning the corners of his mouth down, furrowing his brows. Fear.

  
“What is it?” Jeonghan laughs a little, and then Seungkwan does something even stranger; he gently nudges Jeonghan behind himself, back towards where they were sitting.

  
“Yeah, why don’t we go sit and have a chat?” a young man with a sharp jaw and angular features fixed in a wolfish grin, dressed in all black, buds shoulders with Seungkwan in a manner that’s nearly playful. Friendly.

  
Seungkwan’s hand on the small of Jeonghan’s back, guiding him towards the couches where they’d sat previously, doesn’t comfort him the way it should. Jeonghan just feels apprehension gnawing at his nerves as he glances at the newcomer over his shoulder.

  
“Nice replacement, Kwan,” the unnamed man laughs, sitting in a chair opposite them. There’s a visible shift in everyone sitting; they eye him suspiciously, maybe even a bit nervously. Save for Soonyoung– he’s glaring over his drink.

  
“Long time no see, Jeon. So you’re just China doll’s guard dog now?”

  
“Fuck off, Vernon,” Wonwoo chuckles dryly, winding a protective arm around Minghao’s shoulders all the same. Vernon sneers, leaning back in his seat.

  
“Yeah, yeah. I’m not here for you, anyways,” Vernon waves a hand, rings glinting on his fingers. He fixes a blackened gaze on Jeonghan for just a moment before addressing Seungkwan again.

  
“Did you really think you could just leave, Seungkwan?” Vernon reaches into his waistband, withdraws a sleek black gun. “Now, I’m gonna kill you. And because you ran from me, I’ll kill all your friends and your little pet there too.”

  
“You seem awfully sure of that,” Seungkwan chuckles. Wonwoo’s already getting up, whispering in Minghao’s ear and then Joshua’s. Good. Whatever’s about to happen, Jeonghan wouldn’t want his best friend to witness it.

  
“Are you doubting me?” something lethal flashes in Vernon’s smile and he points the gun at Seungkwan. Jeonghan glances around for help, but this club is too dark, too busy, thrumming with too much life at once. Maybe there won’t be as much living getting done, if Vernon plans on putting that gun to use.

  
“Well, you are pretty famous for welshing on promises, are you not?” Seungkwan seems relaxed enough, sipping his drink and staring Vernon down evenly. Vernon smiles sourly, glancing around at the others. Wonwoo’s hurrying Minghao and Joshua toward the exit by now, despite Joshua’s evident protests. Though Jeonghan can’t hear the younger, he can only imagine how Joshua’s bickering with Wonwoo, probably demanding to know what’s going on.

  
Something funny happens. Joshua points towards Jeonghan, lips forming a question that Jeonghan can’t hear from here. Wonwoo shakes her head, almost imperceptibly, and Joshua’s worried expression shifts to something harsher. But, like that, Wonwoo’s hurrying him out the door. Jeonghan gets the vague thought that this was probably the last time he saw Joshua. The younger will see him again, when he’s dead.

  
“Why didn’t you take him with them?” Seungkwan demands angrily when Wonwoo’s returned. Vernon’s still sitting there, gun in one hand, a drink in the other. Wonwoo sits down, sneering at Seungkwan.

  
“I protect who I’m supposed to. Not any one night stand you get a crush on,” Wonwoo answers tensely. “Why don’t we take this conversation somewhere else?” she glances pointedly at Vernon, who smirks.

  
“I’m so sorry for this,” Seungkwan whispers as they’re leaving the club. His hand finds Jeonghan’s, squeezes. For the first time, real fear wedges its way through the cracks, and Jeonghan squeezes back.

  
“Am I gonna die?” he whispers back. Seungkwan’s silence is enough of an answer.

  
A scuffle. A metallic thud as Vernon careens into a parked car, shoved by Wonwoo. Out in the open, she withdraws a gun not unlike his own– so do Seungkwan, Seokmin, and Soonyoung. Mingyu’s got his hands in his pockets, dark eyes watching the whole scene unfold calculatingly. Jeonghan wonders how he even plays into all of this.

  
“Do you really want to do this while you’re outnumbered, Chwe?” Soonyoung challenges. Vernon straightens up, fixes his hair calmly.

  
“You think I came alone?” Vernon chuckles, quirking one dark brow.

  
“What are you trying to prove?” Seungkwan steps in front of Jeonghan, protective. Jeonghan wonders how much it’ll really help in the end.

  
“That I fucking _own_ you, Seungkwan,” Vernon laughs as if it should have been obvious. Eyeing people walking down the sidewalk around them, he sticks his gun into a holster tucked beneath one shoulder, hidden beneath his jacket. Similarly, Seungkwan, Soonyoung, Seokmin and Wonwoo follow suit, concealing weapons in plain sight.

  
“This isn’t the place to do it,” Mingyu folds his arms. Vernon snarls in the direction of the taller, though his eyes blaze, locked with Seungkwan’s.

  
“I’ve had enough of these fucking games, Seungkwan. I told you there was no leaving.” Vernon steps closer to Seungkwan, and Jeonghan admires Seungkwan’s nerve, how he sticks his nose up, stares Vernon down with a level, calm gaze.

  
“We’re leaving right now,” Seungkwan answers coolly. “Another day, Vernon.”

  
“Another day,” chuckles the taller, nose to nose with Seungkwan by now. “Fucking watch yourself.”

  
And Vernon’s backing off with a parting shove to Seungkwan’s shoulder, spitting out, “Watch your asses.”

 

 

 

 

At home, standing in front of the bathroom mirror, Jeonghan hardly recognizes the man staring back at him. This man is pale, frighteningly so, and his eyes are wide, pupils blown with fear. When Jeonghan reaches up to brush his dark hair away from his sallow face, his hand shakes. His reflection vibrates a little at the edges, and Jeonghan realizes it’s because he’s trembling all over.

  
There’s a gentle knock on the bathroom door. Jeonghan jumps violently, wrings his hands together anxiously for just a moment before he opens the door. Seungkwan, in all his soft, gentle loveliness, eyes gentle and smile tentative, stands on the other side of the door, a bouquet of vivid red and white flowers in his hands.

  
“Hi,” Jeonghan sways a little. Seungkwan’s smile immediately shifts to concern and he reaches toward Jeonghan with one hand.

  
“You don’t look that hot.”

  
“No shit,” Jeonghan answers dryly. He feels that awful bristling in his chest, spikes coming out the way they always do the second he doesn’t feel secure. Ready to do real damage before he ends up hurt. Maybe it speaks to that whole having-no-fucking-sense thing that Jeonghan tamps down those spikes, shushes the voice telling him to shut the door in Seungkwan’s face and never speak to him again, get out of here fast.

  
“I’m sorry,” Seungkwan tries. Jeonghan leans against the bathroom counter, and Seungkwan offers him the flowers with a weak smile.

  
“Sorry my ex boss-slash-boyfriend pulled a gun on us. Here’s some roses.”

  
That earns a weak laugh from Jeonghan, laughter nearing hysteria. He takes the flowers from Seungkwan’s outstretched hands, inspects them curiously. “Roses..and lilies? Interesting choice.”

  
“It’s three in the morning, there were not many options for nice flowers in the CVS where I bought those.”

  
Jeonghan laughs again, drops the flowers on the floor by his feet. “I appreciate the gesture. Do I get an explanation too?”

  
Seungkwan’s smile falters a little. Jeonghan had expected it, maybe, and that’s why his disappointment is thin, watered-down. Seungkwan reaches to Jeonghan again, and this time the latter goes to him, relaxes when Seungkwan’s arms slide around his waist.

  
“I’m fucking scared. I deserve to know what’s happening,” Jeonghan murmurs, staring into Seungkwan’s warm eyes. Sighing, Seungkwan tucks a strand of Jeonghan’s hair behind his ear. “Yeah, you do, I guess. Come lie down.”

  
And obediently, Jeonghan follows Seungkwan out of the bathroom, down the hall to his room. Distantly, Jeonghan notes the voices coming from the living room– Joshua and Mingyu’s murmured conversation, the TV playing lowly– and he’s comforted, reassured that they’re there in case anything were to happen.

  
“You know the city isn’t....fuck, how do I even say this?” Seungkwan stares towards the ceiling, brow furrowed, as Jeonghan sheds his clothes in favor of crawling into bed in just his boxers, hugging a pillow to his chest and tentatively patting the spot beside him for Seungkwan to lay down as well. The younger, seemingly still searching for the correct words, obliges.

  
“The city’s dangerous. There’s people– groups– running plenty of the streets from the Bronx to Staten Island,” Seungkwan begins, sighing slowly. One of his hands cards gently through Jeonghan’s hair. It makes it easier for Jeonghan to listen.

  
“You mean gangs, don’t you?” Jeonghan asks. His voice sounds childish, even to his own ears. Seungkwan’s mouth tightens just briefly, and he nods.

  
“Yeah. Vernon runs a pretty influential portion of the city around here. I ran with his crowd for a couple years after I first came here, because he was–was kind, and attractive, and that kind of life didn’t seem to bad compared to what I came from,” Seungkwan laughs, but it’s bitter, sour. “I’m not sure how much you’ve put together by now, but I ran from him. It got to be too much– or, it was exactly what you’d expect, but he was asking more and more of me. Stuff I won’t do. Contract killing, organ harvesting...so I ran.”

  
Jeonghan traces his fingertips against Seungkwan’s chest. “And then?”

  
“Wonwoo and Soonyoung. They run streets opposing Vernon’s– I’m sure you can figure out what they’ve got against each other. Wonwoo and Soonyoung and...associated, y’know. Seokmin, a few others, they took me in.” Seungkwan strokes Jeonghan’s hair gently. It’s easier to believe Seungkwan’s soothing Jeonghan, telling him a story that’ll make the other comfortable, tired, ready to rest.

  
“Obviously, you can see how well that worked out. I shouldn’t have been so stupid– when you want out, they take you out. Vernon’s not happy I managed to skip the being taken out part. So far.”

  
“So far,” Jeonghan parrots dreamily, as if he doesn’t quite believe it. Seungkwan’s hand pauses from petting Jeonghan’s hair for just a moment, then he resumes. For a minute, the only sound is their breathing.

  
“What about Mingyu? Minghao?” Jeonghan queries softly. He feels awfully small, tucked beneath the covers of a too-big bed, a gentle hand caressing his head like Jeonghan’s young again, disturbed from sleep by a nightmare and needing to be comforted before he can rest again.

  
“Minghao doesn’t want to be involved in any of it. Wonwoo works plenty hard to keep it that way. It helps that he’s not in the city much anyways,” Jeonghan feels Seungkwan’s lips press against the top of his head. “As for Mingyu, I’m...not sure, really. He’s got his own people, I suppose. Definitely blood on his hands.”

  
At that, Jeonghan lifts his head, peers up at Seungkwan. The lovely face looking back at him smiles, and Seungkwan gently strokes Jeonghan’s cheek, leans in to kiss him gently.

  
“You looked scared,” Seungkwan murmurs. Jeonghan only studies how the light streaming in through the window falls across the planes of Seungkwan’s face, the shadows his lashes cast upon his round cheeks.

  
“I am scared. Your gangster ex wants me dead for fucking you.” Jeonghan laughs dryly. Seungkwan strokes his face again, gently, smiles fading.

  
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs. Jeonghan knows he means it, truly, but he still wonders just what good sorry can do for a bullet in his head. Or chest. Or leg. Maybe an artery, and he’ll bleed out quickly.

  
Jeonghan shakes his head imperceptibly, snuggles closer to Seungkwan. The younger’s warm weight on the bed beside Jeonghan is comforting.

  
“I won’t let him hurt you. Promise,” Seungkwan breathes.

 

 

 

 

Jeonghan wakes up on a hard, freezing surface. There is no warmth beside him. When he opens his eyes, he peers down the dark barrel of a gun. Jeonghan’s eyes travel up to the hand holding the gun. Then, up the arm connected to the hand, into an exquisite, familiar face.

  
“ _You_ ,” Jeonghan murmurs, still half-asleep, disbelieving. He sways as he sits up, and the gun follows, trained between his eyes.

  
“I’m sorry it had to be this way,” Mingyu does sound apologetic, for what it’s worth. Jeonghan peers around, hopes for a clue as to where he is, but there’s nothing. He looks back at Mingyu.

  
“It’s my job.” Mingyu finishes simply. He cocks the gun with an agonizing click. And, honestly, Jeonghan can still blame Seungcheol for this. Even as he stares down the barrel of a gun, watches a finger slide to the trigger, he can think, _you know, Seungcheol, if you hadn’t cheated, I wouldn’t be a couple heartbeats from dying right now._

  
“Take care of Joshua for me, yeah? Tell him I ran away and changed my name or something,” Jeonghan tries to laugh, but he’s racked by a dry sob as the end of Mingyu’s gun presses coldly to his forehead. Mingyu smiles sadly, and pulls the trigger.

 

**Author's Note:**

> yall can find me on twt @honeyboyjeno if u ever wanna talk!!!


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